sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
