One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
