I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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