i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
