better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I will pee on everything he values.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
