Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
