i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
