I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
