The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
