Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
