Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
