dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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