so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
