Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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