i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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