That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
