Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
