someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
