I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
