mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
