our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
