the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
