Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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