you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
