My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
