could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
