Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
