U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
