Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everyone says I win the strip club
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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