What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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