Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
