he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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