They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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