Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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