Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
