i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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