No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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