wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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