i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
