Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
