So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need water and some morals
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
