I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
