You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
