you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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