forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
