I met the friendliest cop last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
