my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
