I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Where is the hickey?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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