I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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