census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
