In America we eat man semen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
