He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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