I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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