Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
