dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
