Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
