But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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