Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
