im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Randomize
