so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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