as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
