The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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