I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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