Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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