I'm really into asian looking animals
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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