Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
